It's Official - The Terrible Twos Are Here

Silly me... I thought Monkey started acting like a terrible two-year-old somewhere around 18 months. Little did I know what he had in store for me...

Since his birthday a week and a half ago, it's like someone flipped a switch, and he started having MORE tantrums with LESS reason behind them. Like this morning, I THINK he was upset that he didn't get the sippy cup that he wanted. Not that it's easy to tell, because when you ask him if he wants Pooh or Elmo, he responds with "Pooh Elmo." Um, yeah, they haven't made that cup yet, kiddo, I'm asking you to make a choice. And does receiving the "wrong" cup REALLY justify a five-minute screaming tantrum? Apparently it does...

I'm learning, though. I'm learning that if I ignore the tantrum, and go about my business (after assuring that Monkey is in a safe place where he's not likely to get injured if he decided to flail around a bit), the screaming AT me turns into screaming FOR me, and when I go back in, his arms are outstretched, wanting his Mommy, and he quickly calms down, telling me that he was "crying," in case I hadn't noticed. So, it's a start, but I haven't quite figured out how I'm going to tweak the technique when he inevitably throws a fit in public.

It's so disheartening to me when he throws a fit within like half an hour of getting up - it just seems to set the tone for the day for me, and I need to get past that kind of thinking, or we're gonna have a LOT of bad days over the next year or so. And I keep telling myself that I have to stand my ground and not just give in to what he wants, so he doesn't become spoiled. It's hard, though, particularly when Monkey is one of those kids who tends to hyperventilate when he gets really upset, and sometimes passes out. I've talked to his doctor, and read up on the subject, and I know in my head that the temporary passing out is just his body's way of protecting itself, and forcing him to take a breath, but that doesn't make it any easier to watch the handful of times that he's done it. So far, knock on wood, he has only done it once as a result of being purely upset, as opposed to injured, and I just pray that he never tries to use it as leverage.

Anyway, so as not to end on a totally down note, what are some of the good things that the Twos have brought? I think the highlight is that Monkey's communication continues to improve by leaps and bounds, and he is repeating and seemingly understanding SO much! When I was dropping him off at day care the other day (where he's in a new room), one of the teachers said to me, "He has older siblings, right?" Somewhat confused, I told him no, and asked why he thought that. He responded that Monkey is very bright, and has great communication skills for his age. That's so nice to hear, especially when I think back to the days I thought he would never say "Mommy." I still think he's probably in the middle of the pack as far as kids his age, and he is still difficult to understand at times, but it's always reassuring to have someone give that kind of a compliment.

Separation Anxiety Revisited

Today was Monkey's first day in the Two's room at day care. And, alas, it involved many tears, his AND mine... :-(

He'd been transitioning for the past week, and it went well. Each day, I would drop him off in his old room, and his teacher would take him over to the new room to visit for increasing periods of time - By Friday, he spent pretty much the whole day in his new room. So, in the one sense, I was expecting today to go pretty smoothly - after all, if he didn't mind his teacher leaving him with new people, why would he mind it when I did it?

That said, he fussed during drop-offs for 1-2 weeks when we made this transition last year. At one year old, still not walking, and very dependent on familiar caregivers, he was a bit traumatized by all the new faces and all the kids up on two legs moving about the room. One year later, he is NOT happy to be leaving behind the teachers that he was at first so wary of. This year, it's still a bit of separation anxiety, the need to be around trusted adults, but I also feel like he's saying "hey, Mommy, THIS isn't my room!" Made more difficult by the fact that his old room is RIGHT across the hall. And it figures, as we walked into the building today, we were right behind one of his friends from the Ones room, and the two kids were smiling and waving at each other, making it that much more difficult for me to explain why were going to the OTHER room today, and not into HIS room with his friend. His "former" teacher was in the doorway as we came up the hall, and when she saw the fuss that was already setting in, she gave me a sad, sympathetic smile, and ducked behind the door so as not to make things any more difficult for Monkey.

So, in typical "how not to handle this" fashion, I started tearing up as soon as Monkey started crying and telling me he didn't want to go in the new room - nice job, hormones or whatever. I then spent 20 minutes trying to get him comfortable and entertained in his room, only to have him crying pitifully when I left anyway. His teacher tells me he only cried for 2-3 minutes, and I know I should just drop him off and make a quick exit.... sigh. So, we'll see how things go Wednesday. I hope it will be better, but I suspect it won't. History suggests that he'll be happily waving goodbye to me by sometime next week, but my heart will be breaking a little bit until then.

Mommy Check

Is it just me, or do you ever miss the days of being in school, when everything was for the most part black or white - pass or fail, A or C, doing great or needs improvement? I miss some of that clear feedback now that I'm a mom, and wonder just how good of a job I am (or am not) doing with Monkey...

On the "pass" side, Monkey is healthy, happy* (yeah, we'll get to the tantrums in a moment), and showing us every day that he is learning new things and understanding so much. On the "see me" side, we have frequent tantrums involving pretty much every aspect of daily life - eating, changing diapers and clothes, and pretty much anything that challenges Monkey's growing sense of independence. "I do it" is an oh-so-common phrase around our house, and it's hard to teach Monkey that sometimes, no, he actually CAN'T do it yet. He CAN'T walk around cars without holding Mommy's hands. He CAN'T roam freely around the garage. And, as much as he tries, he cannot screw the lid on his sippy cup, and please, can't we avoid the mess of allowing you to engage in more futile attempts?? The good news, I suppose, is that I don't think we have any "fails," although I do worry that some of our problem areas, if not nipped in the bud, could prove more troublesome down the road.

I struggle to find the right method of discipline, both for me and for Monkey. And then there's the issue of getting Daddy on board, which is probably the subject of another post. I read the magazines and books, and I know what I'm SUPPOSED to do, yet the well-reasoned approach often eludes me in the heat of the moment. For example, when Monkey is rocking in his booster chair and giving me a heart attack with the possibility that he is going to topple over any moment and crack his head open, the calm "Monkey, we don't rock in our chair" approach is NOT my first instinct. To the contrary, last week it was a scream that almost gave Daddy a heart attack, BUT, it got Monkey's attention, long enough to stop what he was doing and allow me to run over from behind the sink, where I had been preparing part of his dinner. And, for what it's worth, I HAVE tried the calmer approach, and Monkey just smiles at me and continues what he's doing - why do they not mention this in those not-quite-so-helpful magazine articles, hmmm?? And yet, as much as the smart aleck in Monkey drives me absolutely insane, I know that he got part of it from me, so who exactly should I blame?

So, where exactly am I going with this? I guess I'd like a report card to tell me that, despite all the daily challenges, I'm still doing OK as a Mommy, that this is all normal and I'm actually averaging a B or higher at this parenting thing. I don't need a gold star or anything, but I do miss the days of feedback and the good feeling that comes with recognition of a job well done!

My Kid, the Bully?

I really wasn't expecting it to start this soon (or necessarily at all, for that matter). But it happened - I got my first note from Monkey's day care teacher about a behavior issue... Monkey has apparently started being more "aggressive" towards his classmates - pushing them down, taking toys away from them, and sometimes pulling hair. Where is this coming from? Is it just part of the Terrible Twos - a child who is gaining independence and wants to do what they want to do, when they want to do it, the heck with what anyone else wants? Or is it Only Child Syndrome - signs of a child who doesn't have to share toys and time at home? I want to blame one or both of these things, as opposed to worrying that somehow I'm doing something wrong and raising a brat and/or a bully, but the real question is, how do we fix it?

You know, it's ironic... Monkey has a July birthday, which means that once "real" school begins, with kindergarten, he is going to go through life being probably the youngest kid in his class (unless we hold him back a year, but we haven't really considered that at this point). So in my mind, I've always worried that Monkey is going to be the small kid, picked on by the other boys. Perhaps he's trying to nip that in the bud by showing his "toughness" from the get-go?? Interestingly, right now he is actually one of the oldest, if not the oldest, in his one-year olds' class, so I wonder if that dynamic isn't playing into this a bit too - he's just showing that he's the big kid in charge because he can?

I'm not sure yet what our plan is to tackle this. Do I start randomly taking toys away from Monkey to teach him that he can't always have what he wants? Or does that just frustrate him more and increase the acting out at school? I hate to be always saying "no," but I also don't want him thinking he can always have whatever he wants. This is such a tough stage - they have the power of the tantrum, while we struggle with letting them have the tantrums vs. giving in just to keep the peace. Yikes - it's gonna be a long year....

And speaking of Elmo...

Let's all have a brief moment of silence, shall we?

In memory of the times, not so long ago, but not then appreciated, when Monkey and I could go to a toy store, Babies 'R Us, or anywhere we wanted in Target or Walmart, and Monkey would be happy just to be in the cart, looking at all the people and "stuff."

Before he recognized things like... Elmo. Mickey Mouse. The Wiggles. Pooh.

And before he screamed out that he must have these things, because they are "mine!"

I made the mistake of taking Monkey to Toys 'R Us today, looking for a step stool for his bathroom. My search took me through the bath and bedding sections, where there were Elmo couches, Elmo blankets, Elmo Sheets, Elmo towels, you name it. And Monkey saw it all.

And, being the sucker that I am, I picked up the cute Elmo hooded bath towel, and asked Monkey if he wanted it.

He happily grabbed it, and enjoyed checking it out for about - thirty seconds? Before it landed unceremoniously on the floor.

I can't tell you how many things I picked up to keep him from having a tantrum, and yet, ultimately we left the store empty handed. Sigh...

ISO a comeback

"MINE!"

Yep, it's started already. Somewhere, somehow, Monkey learned to say the word "mine." And I can guarantee you it was not from me or my husband!

So I casually raised the question at day care this week.... "So, I'm just curious... have the older kids been saying 'mine' a lot lately? Because we noticed Monkey saying it at home, and aren't sure where he picked it up..."

GUILTY!

On the downside, not only is this apparently the word du jour with the one-year-old set, but their teachers taught it to them! In their defense, their thought was to give the kids a word to use when another child took a toy from them. Apparently they didn't consider that the children would naturally start declaring everything to be theirs. Plan backfired.

On the one hand, I can see their thinking. But on the other hand, there's this little voice in the back of my head (actually, two voices, sounding remarkably like Seth Myers and Amy Poehler), aaying "Really? You didn't think that teaching toddlers to say 'mine' could backfire on you?? Really???" But, alas, what's done is done.

What I really want to know now is this: What, exactly, is the succinct, fail-proof comeback that a parent uses to respond to a child who declares that an object is "mine," while maintaining a death-grip on said object and refusing to turn it over (let's say, just for a crazy example, a toothbrush that said child has been sucking on for over five minutes without actually "brushing" his teeth)? Acknowledging that the object is, in fact, theirs doesn't seem to do the trick. And denying it would seem to be (a) lying, in many cases, and (b) likely to lead to a lovely debate along the lines of "is not," "is too," etc., etc.

So please, if any of you have come up with a snappy comeback to respond to this adamant declaration, the comment section is below - please use it!!

I've got a clever one on my hands...

I'm beginning to think Monkey is a bit too smart for his own good...

Take this example from this weekend:

My mother-in-law was watching Monkey while my husband and I were out running some errands. They were playing in the family room, and Monkey would periodically go around the corner into the hallway, where we have this giant cigar-store Indian statue thing (a pre-me purchase by my husband), and would touch the statue. My mother-in-law was worried that he would knock it over and get hurt (little did she realize at the time, but that thing ways about a ton and is almost impossible to budget), so she started telling Monkey "no." Well, a simple "no" doesn't accomplish anything with Monkey anymore, so she started gently swatting him on the hand as she said it, hoping this would have more of a deterrent effect. Not so much... So on it went, with Monkey touching the statue, and Grandma telling him "no" with a little swat. Until...

Monkey reached out to touch the statue, and then, without missing a beat, held out his hand for Grandma to smack it! :-o

Needless to say, Grandma had quite a time hiding her laughter from Monkey! And I suspect we're in for a world of trouble with this little guy!

My Christmas Wish... The Gift of Patience!

Anyone who knows me would NOT list patience as one of my traits. I suppose I'm not the most IMpatient person in the world, but I tend to get annoyed pretty easily - more easily than I would like.

Thus, you can imagine that I am being put to the test right now as the mother of a toddler! Moreso than at any point until now, Monkey is testing my nerves on a daily basis, and I know it's not his fault, but it's hard not to get frustrated and short with him. :-(

For starters, Monkey knows what the word "no" means, but refuses to listen to it if it is spoken just once. There's some evidence that three is the magic number, but sometimes even that doesn't seem to do the trick, and he requires physical movement in his direction to get the desired behavior. Thus, he is constantly standing on his chair, standing on his Leapfrog table (which is now legless, because of prior climbing attempts), climbing on the dog's cage, running around the dining room table, shaking the stair gates, and countless other taboo, potentially unsafe activities. I'm becoming that mommy that sounds like a broken record, saying "no," "stop," "Mommy said no," and "did you hear me?" until I'm blue in the face.

Mealtimes are still a challenge as well. If I were to list every food that Monkey will eat, he'd seem like a pretty well-rounded eater (although still with his quirks). But the thing is that I can't depend on him to eat any one of them on a given day - his appetite, likes, and dislikes seem to change on a daily, if not hourly basis, and some foods are apparently ONLY appetizing if they are served on MY plate, not his...

I think my frustration has been exacerbated a bit because we've been "off" our routine for about two weeks now. We took a trip out of town, then less than a week later had family here for Thanksgiving. We've done our best to stay close to mealtimes, naptimes, and bedtime, but I think Monkey is just plain overstimulated at this point, and we need to get back into a more consistent, less overwhelming daily routine. Sadly, that won't happen this week, as we're back on the road on Thursday. But maybe the week after that, although that's only two weeks before Christmas, and more travel.... Sigh.

So, if anyone knows where I can pick up some extra patience, it would sure come in handy over the next few weeks, months, and years!! :-)

The Wiggles are magical!

OK, so I feel a tiny bit guilty...

Monkey was in day care today, so I haven't spent a lot of time with him.

But when he got home, after only a single one-hour nap, I got the benefit of his fussy time... It feels so unfair sometimes that he has so much fun at school, and then I get the crankiness to finish off the day.

So we've played a bit, and I've made him laugh, but he's definitely in "high-maintenance" mode this evening. So what did I do? Turned on a Wiggles DVD (specifically, "Toot Toot," if you're taking notes...) And Monkey is completely mesmerized. I'm not sure he's even moved since I turned it on ten minutes ago!

Now, this isn't something I do all the time - I don't want him to turn into a brainwashed Wiggles zombie. But there is something about the Wiggles in particular that he just LOVES! He really enjoys a combination of music and dancing, and when he watches cartoons, he tends to tune out the narrative part of the show, and only watch the opening, closing, and other musical numbers. But with the Wiggles, it's all song and dance, almost ALL the time - It's Monkey heaven!

And I have a confession - The songs are kind of catchy, and I often catch myself singing "Fruit Salad" and other songs in random moments. :-) But I'm partial to the original Wiggles, and can't seem to accept that Greg had to quit and be replaced - the new guy just doesn't seem like a real Wiggle to me. :-( Lucky for me we have the older DVDs, so I can watch selectively.

And speaking of The Wiggles - Have any of you seen Disney's relatively new offering, The Imagination Movers? Maybe it's just me, but they seem like such a blatant Wiggles knockoff. Four guys, each of whom sings (or plays an instrument) and has some unique characteristic or quirk. On the one hand, I can't blame them for trying to piggy-back off The Wiggles success, but on the other hand, it just seems wrong. I like the history of The Wiggles - guys who wanted to be teachers and put together an act as part of their schooling. The Imagination Movers strike me more as wanna-be actor/musicians.

I have to wonder why I care about this, but there you have it.

Would you rather...

You know the game, right?

Take two relatively unpleasant alternatives, and debate which one you would rather be faced with: Would you rather eat a cricket or a worm? Would you rather be blind or deaf? Would you rather have a great job but make no money, or have a lousy job and make tons of money? You get the idea...

Today I was faced with a real-life "would you rather" of sorts: Would I rather leave Monkey at day care each day in tears, missing his Mommy and not yet trusting his new teacher, or would I rather leave a happy Monkey, without a care in the world, banging off the walls? This time, however, there was a twist - I didn't get to decide, as Monkey has gone and made the decision for me!

Beginning about three weeks ago, it was all about Option A - Despite being gradually transitioned to his new room, Monkey still didn't have the same sense of security with his new teachers that he'd had in the infant room, and would all but cling to my leg when I tried to leave him for the day, leaving me in tears in the car after I would tear myself away. But then, suddently, last week, he chose Option B.

I didn't fully appreciate the switch at the time - indeed, I didn't know that there was an Option B, so to speak. All I knew was that when I set Monkey down on the floor to play last Thursday, after missing a day of day care due to a weekend trip, he looked for the briefest of moments like he was going to scrunch up his face and cry, but then he got distracted by a toy, and that was that. I was free to leave - see ya later - hasta la vista. It's as if he forgot I was there. My feelings were almost hurt for a moment, but this was what it was like in the infant roomo mere weeks earlier, and I knew, despite my hurt pride, that this was a good thing.

What I didn't know was that it was coming at a price. OK, well perhaps this is all coincidental, but with Monkey's increased happiness and confidence came a sudden string of accident reports. Out of the blue, he got THREE reports in two days, after getting maybe two EVER in the infant room, once when he was crawling around and bonked his head into a mirror, and the other I don't even recall... Now, suddenly, he's walking toys into walls and getting fat lips on the rebound, acquiring mystery bite marks on his arm (self or other-inflicted - it's anybody's guess), and, here's one to really make me proud - climbing on (and then falling off of) the lunch table. And you wonder how he got the name Monkey...

Now, I must reluctantly admit that there has been one other SMALL change during this same time period, which, if you've read my few entries to date, you already know - Monkey recently started walking. So I suspect that his impressive new injury rate is not so much a factor of him choosing Option B as it is him growing up, exploring, and learning (hopefully!) from his mistakes! But as I drove home today, two injury reports in hand, and Monkey happily jabbering away in the back seat, I couldn't help but wonder if, given the choice, I'd have kept Option A for just a wee bit longer...