Bribery FAIL

Bribery is such a useful tool with toddlers...

Although I'm not particularly fond of the negative implications of the word "bribery" - I prefer to consider our discussions "negotiations." As in, "If you take three more bites of chicken and two more bites of corn, you can have dessert." Or, as is so much more often the case these days, "If you keep you big boy pants clean and dry ALL day, I will give you a present."

Yes, the potty training war drags on, and I have a tough opponent, one who continues to insist, for reasons I just can't understand, in running behind or crawling under the nearest piece of furniture to poop in his pants rather than the potty. One who has become resistant to my ever-increasing attempts at bribery.

Take yesterday. Driving home from preschool, Monkey expressed dismay at the fact that his Fireman Sam DVD case, which he had brought to school for Show & Share day, was now empty. I told him that surely it was somewhere in his classroom, and we'd look for it in the morning:

Monkey: (Sadly) But I wanted to watch Fireman Sam tonight after dinner...
Me: I'm sorry, but we can't get your DVD back until tomorrow. Unlesss.... Now that I think about it, I think I have ANOTHER Fireman Sam video at home, and if you poop on the potty tonight, you can have it!
Monkey: Hmmm..... I think I'll just watch Curious George instead.

So much for what I thought was some great leverage and a prime opportunity - the kid simply refuses to be bribed on this subject. And without bribery, I am simply at a loss. I need to re-group, re-strategize ... the battle wages on.

Potty Purgutory

I was so naive...

I had no idea that potty training was going to be such a loooooooooooong process!

I mean, I get that it wasn't going to happen instantaneously (well, unless I was extremely lucky, which would have been OK too). I realized it was going to involve time, accidents, and patience, and I promised myself I would do my best possible job of faking the patience part.

But man, it seems like this has been going on FOREVER. And the thing that kills me is that Monkey basically GETS IT. He just chooses not to do it. There's nothing like asking your kid "why didn't you tell me you had to go?" only to hear him say "because I wanted to go in my pants." Even though he will immediately complain that his pants are dirty and he wants you to change him.

At least we finally got over the "ewwww" hump. Once I resorted to putting Monkey in Big Boy Pants, he realized that going #2 was not conducive to continuing to play, walk around, etc., so now if he goes in his pants, he walks arouund like some kind of animal, trying to avoid continued contact with the offending deposit. But he still hasn't made the connection that he can just avoid this whole unpleasant scenario by just taking one minute out of his busy schedule to sit on the potty!

We have glimpses of success... The first time he pooped on the potty, I threw a freaking party. I danced, I sang, I cheered, I showered him with M&Ms! Monkey probably thought I was a maniac, but deep down I know he was proud and appreciated the theatrics. But apparently it was a one-hit wonder kind of thing - it took weeks (or was it months? I've seriously lost track of time!) before we could get a repeat performance. And still, today, if he's going to have an accident, odds are it's gonna be a poopy one. Because that's SO much more fun to clean out of Big Boy Pants. Sigh...

Last week was a low point. We had a string of accidents, and it seemed like we were going nowhere but backwards. But then, on Sunday, we went on a short road trip, and as we got out of the car at our somewhat remote, outdoor destination, I discovered that I hadn't restocked the diaper bag. That's right - we had NO diapers, NO pull-ups, and NO extra clothes. Although, for what it's worth, we DID have a big baggie to put dirty clothes in. Guess Monkey would just have to go naked when the inevitable accident occurred...

But, miracle of miracles, we made it through the entire day without an accident! Monkey successfully used a port-a-potty (although not without totally grossing me out by touching WAY too many things while inside) and a restaurant bathroom until Mommy could get to a Walgreens and buy some Pull-Ups. We were covered by naptime, which took place in the car on the ride home, but ironically, even once adequately protected, Monkey stayed dry!

As we neared home, Monkey started calling out that he had to go potty. We were five minutes from our own, clean bathroom, so I asked him if he could hold it, and he said yes. So why exactly was I surprised when I turned around a moment later to see him with his hand between his legs, "holding it"? I forget how literal toddlers can be!

So yes, we made it through a challenging day, and then we made it through yesterday as well. Yesterday, however, was one of those days that Monkey didn't end up pooping, and those are generally more successful. But, much to my surprise, he jumped up not once, but THREE different times from playing with his race cars and bolted for the bathroom, telling me that he had to go. Two of these were actually false alarms - I think the poor guy was actually constipated. But the idea of him taking the initiative to go? That's a definite milestone for us. Oh please, please, let us finally be over the last hurdle... I like to get my money's worth out of my purchases, but I REALLY wouldn't mind having to find someone to donate these last few diapers and Pull-Ups to!

Contemplating an investment in Depends...

Every child eventually learns to use the potty, RIGHT?

I mean, I get the convenience of diapers. Hunting down a restroom when you're out and about can be difficult, time-consuming, and, well, inconvenient. But there has to come a time when our little ones get grossed out by the fact of what they're sitting in, RIGHT?

Monkey has reached a stage where he totally knows how to use the potty - I think what's missing for him is the "when." He can remove his shoes, his pants, and, yes, even his diaper. He has already rejected the little potty that sings when he makes a deposit, preferring to use the step stool to climb up onto the big potty, scoot his little butt back on the seat, and do his business. But if you don't ask him if he wants to go, I honestly don't think the idea will ever cross his mind. And if you notice a certain unpleasant odor beginning to permeate the room and ask him if, perhaps, just maybe, he has soiled his diapers, he will look you straight in the eye and either tell you "No, I not poopy!" or, if he's feeling a little more clever, "I'm not sure..." And then he will run away when you tell him he needs to be changed!

So now I'm worried that Monkey enjoys being filthy and stinky, and that this may be something he never outgrows. How exactly do you teach a kid that having a dirty diaper is not something to be savored? I've tried bribery, and believe me, Monkey will demand his M&M after peeing in the potty, but it doesn't seem to be enough to make him want to go on his own. We've shopped for and put on super-exciting Thomas the Train big boy underpants, only to have him pee in them within mere minutes of me asking him if he's sure he doesn't have to go potty. We've watched Elmo's Potty Time video ad nauseum, which appears to have done nothing but teach him various entertaining ways to describe what comes out of his body. (And, for what it's worth, he likes to explain what comes from where, and has recently advised me that "we don't eat poop," which I didn't realize was something that even needed clarification). And he even has his pre-school teacher tricked into thinking he's ready, staying dry all day at pre-school, based on what I can only assume is fortuitous timing with their potty schedule, as I have been hopelessly unable to replicate their results at hom.

He WILL want to stay clean at some point, right???

Call me immature, but...

I just bought Monkey an Elmo video about using the potty, figuring the more he hears about this whole potty idea, the more he'll take an interest in actually using it properly (versus sitting on it for five seconds, ripping up toilet paper, hopping off, pulling out the protective shield, flushing the toilet - you get the idea). Anyway, we decided to debut the video yesterday, and there was an entire segment devoted to different words for #1 and #2, perhaps the highlight of which was a bunch of kids screaming in unison "I really need to urinate!" Really?? Of course, Monkey WAS fascinated by all the talk about pee-pee and poo-poo, so perhaps they're on to something. Just ignore me while I snicker like a 12-year old...

Random Thoughts

I think that part of my lack of blogging lately is a lack of light bulbs going off in my head with big ideas of what to write about. Monkey is making lots of strides in his development, but we're kind of past the "big" milestones for now, and some of the smaller stuff doesn't seem to generate the same level of excitement to justify posting. But, since I hope to have Monkey someday look back on this blog to read about his early years, I think I'll attempt to play catch-up a bit and just share some random thoughts. Here's what's been going on at the Monkey House:

1. Food, Glorious Food -- The good news is that Monkey's menu of acceptable foods seems to be expanding ever so slightly! Vegetables are STILL, and I suspect will always be, a challenge, but Monkey has discovered corn on the cob, and he eats it with gusto! So much fun to watch! And, with the arrival of spring/summer, Monkey has become a bigger fruit fan, so instead of applesauce day in and day out, he has been feasting on yummy blueberries and strawberries. I thought I had him on pineapple as well, but that lasted all of about a day. Oh, and grapes, which already has me looking forward to the day when I don't have to cut them up for him to avoid a possible choking hazard...

2. All Choked Up -- Speaking of choking, please tell me I don't have the only toddler who insists on shoveling multiple fistfuls of whatever he's eating into his mouth?? It's not so much a manners thing, although, geez, slowing down a tad would sure be nice, but I swear he swallows half of his food whole, despite a mouthful of teeth. He's gagged more than once, giving my husband and I quite a scare, but I actually think he may just be one of those kids with a relatively sensitive gag reflex, as it's been triggered by things as little as a small, possibly sharp piece of potato chip. I struggle with being the mom who cuts and breaks up her kid's food until he's ten, and trying to teach him to take bites, at the risk that he just won't do it, or will take twenty small "bites" in rapid succession, defeating the purpose. :-(

3. Chug, Chug -- And also on the subject of food, I was told by Monkey's day care teacher a couple of weeks ago that one of the changes that will take place when he moves to the two-year-old's room (in less than two months - gasp!) is that they will start drinking from open cups instead of sippies. Am I the only one that thinks this sounds a bit soon, and, um, messy? Again, I don't want Monkey to be drinking from a sippy when he goes to the prom, but man am I not looking forward to the idea of him drinking from an open cup on a regular basis yet either! I've let him sip from my cup from time to time, and although he gets the basic idea, he's a bit too eager, and inevitably ends up with water down the front of his shirt. I know that it takes practice, and toddler-hood isn't always neat, but I'm just not sure I'm ready for this one. Maybe I'll let day care take the lead on this one, and I can just benefit from their tried-and-true teaching methods?

4. Potty Time -- Speaking of new challenges, I feel like full-on potty training will be upon us soon, and I am approaching it somewhat tentatively. Don't get me wrong - I can not WAIT to be done with smelly diapers. But something about them IS awfully convenient, you know?? It's not the idea of Monkey being potty trained that I dread (although it will sort of mean he's officially a big boy - sniff!), it's the process... Having to be constantly attuned to his signals, racing to the potty for numerous false alarms, devising and consistently following some kind of reward program, etc. Monkey has handled so many of his other transitions (sleeping through the night, dropping bottles, limiting paci use, etc) so well - I hope this isn't the one that we struggle with!

5. Story Time -- I LOVE that Monkey is finally showing more interest in books. He's still hard pressed to sit still for a story, and I'm sorry to say that we still haven't been able to incorporate a "traditional" bedtime story into our nightly routine, but he seems to be going for books as often as toys these days, and not always the same three or four books, either. Character books are still one of the biggest hits (Wiggles and Elmo, specifically), but he's starting to pay more attention to some of the Dr. Suess books, and I've once again renewed my hopes that someday he will enjoy reading as much as I do, for content rather than pictures! And yes, he actually says "read a book?" now, which I love. :-)

6. Outdoor Adventures -- I can't remember if I posted earlier about our severe cabin fever over the winter months, but needless to say, the arrival of Spring (FINALLY!) has opened new doors to things to do with Monkey. Unfortunately, it has also opened the door to new battles with Monkey's independent streak, and his desire to walk freely without holding hands. As you can imagine, this presents a problem pretty much anywhere other than in our fenced-in backyard. It's been a little hit or miss -- sometimes Monkey not only willingly holds MY hand, but wants to hold Daddy's hand as well, making it difficult for us to walk in and out of stores, etc. I think Monkey secretly hopes when we do this that we'll start randomly swinging him, a trick taught to him by my mother and aunt (thanks, guys!), but I think my husband is afraid of dislocating his shoulder, so we don't often play along. Plus, let's face it, it kind of slow things down a bit when ever five seconds you have to stop and go "one, two, three -- whee!" :-) But other times, Monkey does NOT want to hold hands, and left to his own devices, would appear to be on the verge of running off into a parking lot. Clearly this is non-negotiable, so Monkey has been getting a choice - hold Mommy's hand, or let Mommy carry you. You may not like either choice, but you've gotta pick one. I yearn for the day when he will walk calmly by my side - will it ever happen? I keep contemplating the monkey backpack with the leash, but it seems like more trouble than it's worth, especially when we're just making a quick trip from car to store. But lately, the desire to be "down" doesn't end at the store door, as riding in a shopping cart is apparently no longer the thrill it once used to be (unless said cart is shaped like a car, in which case the difficulty is getting Monkey OUT of it!). Monkey threw a royal fit in Gymboree a few weeks ago when, in a moment of kindness, I let him out of his stroller to sit in the little chairs and watch cartoons at the back of the store. All was well until it was time to leave, and I think I earned a few new bruises, as well as several sympathetic and/or questioning looks, as I struggled to get Monkey back in his stroller. Our evening walks around the neighborhood are also beginning to change, as Monkey is no longer content for up to an hour in his stroller as we walk around, visiting with neighbors, getting some exercise. Monkey wants to be "out" or "down" before long, adding a new level of parental anxiety to the whole process. And don't get me started on his "car rides" - Monkey has a cool radio flyer car that he used to love being pushed around the neighborhood in. These days, however, it's about two minutes before he wants to get out, walk, push the car himself. Nothing like pushing an empty car back to your house while carrying a struggling toddler, let me tell you...

Well, I think that's the end of my train of thought for now. Hopefully I'll be able to return to more regular, less rambling posting soon!